This Week – A Funny Look Back At The Last 7 Days

Big focus on the US this week for obvious reasons. These protests were never going to be a quiet affair, the hatred that they clearly possess does not lend itself to a quiet protest. When your reason for protest is based on an ideology of hate, this inevitably leads to violence – it is a by-product of the hatred. But then came the ridiculousness from Trump. They say that in times of crisis you need a cool head, but they should also say in a time of crisis you need a cool head and CONDEMN THE NAZIS…

US News

One of the biggest stories of this past week is the white supremacist rally going on in Charlottesville, Virginia. These people are the reason why evolution remains to be only a theory. If we did truly evolve over millions of years then how are these hate-filled, nazi dicks still around. I joke about the theory of evolution but I think it is an important one to use in this sort of scenario because of the connotations with natural selection. White supremacists do not like the idea of natural selection because that is what has given rise to this diverse world we live in, a diverse world that they so obviously hate. White supremacists seem to want to promote a forced artificial selection, a selection in which the white race is ‘undiluted’. So when they are protesting, they are protesting not only against a sense of morality but also against a natural world. Ironic really that their relationship with Mother Nature mirrors their relationships with their actual mothers – loveless and pathological.

What is quite worrying about these marches is the willingness of white supremacists to show their faces to the world. There are no KKK hoods or bandanas; instead they’re happy to be seen. Under identical circumstances, would these white supremacists have been as happy to show their faces 10-15 years ago? I’m not so sure. But here’s the problem with this ‘loud and proud’ approach in the modern day – there are cameras everywhere! A photo of them can be uploaded online faster than Donald Trump can jump to defend neo-Nazis. The highlight of this has got to be Peter Cvjetanovic, from the infamous picture shown below, going on a news station saying that he wasn’t an ‘angry racist’.  No I imagine sometimes he is a calm racist as well and sometimes he is a content racist and other times, like when Donald Trump became President, he will feel like a validated racist.  

Following the attacks, Donald Trump condemned hate ‘on many sides’ and so not directly condemning neo-Nazis. An obvious refusal to directly condemn a group of hate can be damaging to how you’re viewed, just ask Jeremy Corbyn. However, Donald Trump did eventually call neo-Nazis ‘repugnant’ – carefully using a complicated enough word that neo-Nazis would not understand and so not losing their support. This eventual condemnation just seemed a bit forced in the end, he should have come out and said this at the first press conference following the outbreak of the attacks. Instead he waited a couple of days which is considerably longer than the heartbeat he would have started nuclear war in.

But then a day after condemning white supremacists and neo-Nazis, he went back to the violence ‘on many sides’ approach. I wonder if he has the same reaction when he watches Harry Potter and comes away wondering who was to blame. There was Harry on one side who fought for what is right in the world and there was Voldemort on the other side who fought for his version of the master race. Very difficult to choose who was at fault there. The problem with saying that the violence was ‘on many sides’ is that it suggests that both groups are equally at fault. Was Trump expecting that violent marches by white supremacists weren’t going to be met by any form of counter-protest? It’s not like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer becomes a boxer and manages to win after his opponent gets tired of throwing punches. The white supremacists aren’t going to get tired of throwing punches. They don’t even get tired of the constant fight to keep their KKK uniforms white. Honestly, the amount of white washes they must have to do – Daz must make an absolute fortune in parts of America. Can you imagine if you left a red sock in with your KKK wash and turned up to the next KKK gathering in baby pink, you would be laughed right out of the White House.

UK News

It was A-Level results week this week which mean there will be a large number of people who will be going through clearing. Clearing is a lot like doing an online food shop. You’re hoping to receive the spaghetti hoops that you ordered but that ends up getting substituted for a toaster. And when you ring up clearing, you can go in hoping that you are studying Law at Cardiff University and end up studying Botany at the University of Mordor. And the nightlife in Mordor really is quite poor – the selection of kebab shops is an absolute travesty.

Malala Yousafzai, the Nobel Peace Prize winner and human rights advocate, has earned a place at Oxford University. This may be an incredible achievement and I imagine she is very proud but I do feel sorry for people who will have to share a room with her. You just know that she will be the type of person who moans at you for not doing the washing up and comes up with the ‘great’ idea of creating a kitchen cleaning rota. She would be the one sending the passive aggressive message to her flatmates saying ‘do you mind if you could keep it down a bit, I’ve got a lecture in the morning but you know, it’s up to you. It’s not like I had to fight the Taliban for my right to education’.

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