This Week – A Funny Look Back At The Last 7 Days

Another week and another firing in Donald Trump’s White House, his cabinet is chopping and changing more than the Sugababes and has the ethnic diversity and secret-keeping of a Welsh schoolboy choir…

US Politics

Donald Trump’s new spokesman, Anthony Scaramucci, has been fired after only 10 days in the job. Gemma Collins almost lasted as long in ‘I’m a Celebrity’ and she had to have a mouthful of kangaroo testicles whereas Scaramucci only had to suck up to a human scrotum. Scaramucci did have a slight outburst in which he said that he wants to ‘fucking kill all the leakers’ and also referred to himself in the third person as ‘the Mooch’. This could have been seen as mooch ado about nothing but instead it has lead to his firing. In his short stint, he seemed intent on becoming the pantomime villain but with all the makeup he’s wearing, he was always going to end up becoming one of the ugly sisters and Trump’s cabinet is no place for a woman, especially an ugly one. Scaramucci had the look of an old-fashioned gangster but unfortunately had the peaceful nature of one too; his appointment was always going to be short-lived.

Donald Trump has also been up to his old deceitful ways this week. He claimed to have had a phone call from Boy Scout leaders saying that ‘it was the greatest speech ever made to them’ but according to the Boy Scouts this call never happened. Can you imagine the size of the ego of this man, not just to think he could get away with this lie but thinking he could convince people that he was capable of delivering the greatest speech when he has the communication skills of a 10 year old child boasting in the playground. But saying this, I do think Donald Trump would make the best guest of all time on Jeremy Kyle, even beating the bloke who claimed to have a sexually transmitted disease from a car exhaust. He would be so confident in his own lies that he would be claim the lie detector was lying. The lie detector wouldn’t be able to keep up with him, that needle would be about as stable as Anthony Scaramucci talking to a reporter.

UK News

Prince Phillip has had his final official engagement this week as he is to retire at the age of 96. It’s sad to think that he is retiring just as racism and sexism seem to be coming back into fashion. I always saw him as terribly old fashioned but maybe he was ahead of his time. Poor Prince Phillip with nothing to do and serving no real purpose, now has to deal with retirement on top of this.

Jeremy Corbyn has gone on holiday this week to Croatia. This surprised me a little, I had him pinned as the sort of bloke who goes on holiday to Cornwall and has a moan about the people who go abroad when we have perfectly good holiday destinations back here in Britain. Corbyn has gone on a cycling holiday, Theresa May has gone on a walking holiday, if these politicians really wanted to connect to the electorate then they should go on holiday like a proper Brit. There should be videos of them riding a mobility scooter down the Benidorm strip, at 11 in the morning, with a can of special brew in one hand whilst shouting ‘its Diet Coke not cola light’ at the locals.

Sport

Arsenal owner, Stan Kroenke, has come under fire this week after launching a subscription hunting channel. On the channel, they have boasted about the humane killing of an African lion. But if the hunters are anything like the Arsenal team then I imagine they’ll spend 10 minutes playing around with the lion then eventually miss the shot. You think Arsenal fans could empathise with the hunters as after watching a load of donkeys run round for 90 minutes, you might be tempted to bring out the sniper rifle but instead Arsenal fans are signing a petition that objects to the channel. These fans claim that the only embarrassing channel associated with Arsenal should be Arsenalfantv.

In cricket, Moeen Ali took a hat trick for England to win the third test match against South Africa. It is the first time somebody has taken a hat trick to win a test match since 1902. 1902! Construction must start immediately on a statue of Moeen Ali outside Buckingham Palace. His legs should be astride a lion, his South African victims laying in his wake, wearing nothing but a crown. His beautiful bearded face should be painted on the White Cliffs of Dover so that Europe knows we answer to him and not to Brussels. He should be knighted so fast that David Beckham will wish he had played cricket. If he went on Love Island, he would complete it. If he was on Game of Thrones, there would be no death and only peace. If he was on Big Brother, people would actually watch it. The man shits angels. Moeen Ali – the man who taught a nation how to love.

 

 

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