This Week – A Funny Look Back At The Last 7 Days

Big focus on American politics this week, just because that’s where all the news came from. Sean Spicer has resigned and Jeff Sessions looks about to go, it’s looking increasingly like Trump is in charge of a sinking ship but luckily with his pulling out of the Paris climate accord, the captain of this sinking ship won’t be hitting any icebergs…

US Politics

Sean Spicer has resigned as Donald Trump’s press secretary after spending only 6 months in the role. Although I imagine working 6 months as Donald Trump’s press secretary would feel like he has served a whole term. Sean Spicer, who incidentally looks like two kids in a suit trying to get into an overage film, would be second only to his Russian translator as the busiest member of Trump’s cabinet. Spicer, however, is not going down with a fight though, it has been reported that he stole a mini-fridge (or as he calls it ‘a fridge’) following his resignation.

Spicer has had his fair share of controversies since Trump became president with the most famous being when he inexplicably said that Hitler ‘didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons’. So maybe a history teacher isn’t something Spicer should pursue a new career in. I’m sure American parents wouldn’t want him telling their kids how despite Henry VIII ruthless temper, at least he respected the sanctity of marriage or how Churchill was famous for his rousing speeches but never stooped so low as to encourage beach-based combat. Somehow his Hitler comment was not the end of Spicer but this resignation can only be seen as political suicide and suicide was a level that Hitler didn’t even sink to.

President Trump came under fire this week after he thought a crowd of tens of thousands of Boy Scouts was an ideal place to have his weekly political mind fart. Some say that with every day that passes without this purge, he becomes progressively orange and can quickly go from ‘sunshine kissed’ to ‘member of TOWIE’. If a week passes without this purge then then the orange can overcome him and starts to seep from every orifice, as if you were juicing an Oompa Loompa. Anyway, this speech to Boy Scouts was a historic first for Trump, it was the first time his hand size was larger than the average of the crowd.

It now looks imminent that the US Attorney General Jeff Sessions will be fired following recusing himself from the FBI inquiry into Russia’s meddling into the election. Trump’s team is dropping like flies so he is inadvertently achieving his ‘drain the swamp’ mantra but Trump is the sort of person who would drain a swamp then fill it with sewage and boast about he filled it with the best sewage. With Sessions about to go, his team is getting smaller and smaller. It’s looking increasingly like a series of ‘The Apprentice’. We’re now down to a handful of candidates all vying for that winner’s prize – presidency following Trump’s impeachment. Pence might be favourite at the moment but I can’t see his business model standing up to a grilling from Claude in the famous interview round.

I was going to leave the American stuff there for this week but then Trump announced that ‘The United States government will not accept or allow transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the US military’. To be happy with who you are and in your own skin is lost on a man who looks like that his own skin is trying to make a break for it, away from its rotting core. A statistic that keeps being raised is that gender transition-related healthcare costs are around 10 times smaller than the costs used to pay for erectile dysfunction medication and yet the biggest cock remains to be Donald Trump.

UK Politics

Boris Johnson has been on a bit of a jolly this week which sees him replace Karl Pilkington as the lead in ‘An Idiot Abroad’. He travelled to Australia in his capacity as British Foreign Secretary. He also visited the Sydney Opera House and could easily relate to the building with it being incredibly posh and looking so disheveled at the same time. His appointment as British Foreign Secretary seemed odd at the time following his key part in the Leave campaign and its focus on reducing immigration, it seemed about as appropriate as Donald Trump being announced as a new judge on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’.

Nigel Farage tweeted to say that he ‘urges every youngster to go out and watch Dunkirk’. I imagine this is because he’s a huge fan of Harry Styles and is really hoping his acting career takes off. This is following being announced as a ‘person of interest’ in the FBI investigation of Trump and Russia – I bet he used his Russian connections to get those pesky meerkats to give him two for one cinema tickets. The cheapskate.

UK News

Prince George turned four this week which means he is that bit closer to starting school. Imagine trying to compete with Prince George when show and tell comes around. Poor little Johnathan has brought in a toy car while Prince George brings in two massive sceptres whilst regaling in stories from the commonwealth. He’ll also go through school safe in the knowledge that he will receive the best school reports as anything other than that may result in a charge of high treason.

Finally, Banksy’s Girl with Balloon won Britain’s best loved artwork. This narrowly beat drawing a cock and balls which came in second while simply writing the word ‘wanker’ came third.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.