This Week – A Funny Look Back At The Last 7 Days

This week saw further accusations of interference by Russia in the American election while here in the UK an MP has been suspended for racism. Not a proud week for politics. It was however a proud week for Johanna Konta who made it to the semi-final of Wimbledon. Anyway let’s get on with it and as ever if you enjoy then please spread the word.

US Politics

The big political news this week concerns Donald Trump Jr who was first accused by the New York Times of having emails that showed he planned on meeting Russian officials who had damaging information on Hillary Clinton. He then proceeded to tweet these emails which confirmed the New York Times’ accusations. I imagine this act of transparency was quite easy for Donald Trump Jr as he’s used to his father looking right through him. Despite the emails, big Trump said little Trump was ‘innocent’, the only innocent thing about Donald Trump Jr is his craving for his father’s attention.

Little Trump’s action did shroud over, to some extent, the fact that Donald Trump met with Vladimir Putin this week at the G20 summit. They say you should never meet your heroes but Putin was just as handsome and flirty as he has always been in Trump’s dreams. Sparks flew between the two as they talked for hours about their mutual love of Donald Trump. If it was an episode of ‘First Dates’, Trump would have rushed off to the toilet mid-way through the meal and rang up a friend to say how perfect he was. Putin then would pay the bill as he enjoys Trump’s playful insistence that he should pay half. Trump never had the intention of paying half; he does after all have small hands and deep pockets. Then comes the question we’ve been waiting to hear: ‘do you think you’ll see each other again?’. Trump replies instantaneously with a ‘yes, absolutely’. Then there’s a pause. The pause grows and grows. It was a pause so long that it makes a moment feel momentous. It was a pause so long that Trump’s face goes as white as the members of his cabinet. Putin looks in Trump’s eyes and Trump looks back in his and then Putin utters the words ‘I think we should just be friends’. The walls come crashing down on poor Donald, ironically mirroring the dreams of the entire population of Mexico. Trump is forced to walk away empty handed as he learns that maybe he can’t do anything just because he’s a star. I did get a bit lost in that scenario, anyway moving on…

Reports say that Trump has delayed his visit to the UK until next year now but could still make a more informal visit this year which almost certainly means he will be visiting one of his golf courses. If his golfing ability in anyway resembles his political career to date then I imagine all his shots will veer off massively to the right and then a Russian official will fix his scorecard so that he comes out on top.  Trumps golf courses are both in Scotland, you would think that he would be put off by the cold but luckily for him it’s not as cold as the reception he gets from his wife each morning. Trump will not be making the same mistake he made the last time he stayed in Scotland where he thought he would enjoy another ‘golden shower’ in his downtime which he unfortunately found out that in Scotland this just means that they put Irn-Bru in the sprinklers.

Sport

Johanna Konta has made it to the semi-final in Wimbledon which saw Mount Murray being renamed Konta’s contour. There have been people who have doubted Konta’s Britishness as she was born in Australia to Hungarian parents but what could be more British than giving a plucky performance in a semi-final only to lose to the better player. It was disappointing news for Andy Murray as he lost in the quarter-final against Sam Querrey and must now return to being Scottish after enjoy a lengthy spell being British.

Floyd Mayweather and Connor McGregor unsurprisingly clashed in a promotional interview for their upcoming fight. Space was very limited in the interview room as it already had to accommodate the enormous egos of the two fighters. It does say a lot about Floyd Mayweather that Connor McGregor came across as the humble one. Mayweather is the clear favourite for the fight what with him actually being a boxer. But it is not beyond the realms of possibility that a man with no experience in a field could beat a person with decades of experience, just ask Donald Trump. 

UK Politics

Theresa May said in an interview that she ‘shed a tear’ when she heard the news of the election exit poll, proving that she is capable of human emotion but only when it impacts her. It wasn’t a great week for the Conservative Party as a Conservative MP was suspended following describing leaving the EU without a deal as a ‘real n***** in the woodpile’. The fact that she knows what this phrase means does suggest she might be quite racist anyway.  She described her comments as ‘unintentional’ which makes you wonder how close to the surface these type of comments are and how she has made it until now without spurting out other racial slurs.  In other racist news, Britain First have made an appeal to Polish immigrants living in the UK to join the group despite wanting to stop all immigration. It’s unsurprising really that skinheads would try and make such bold moves.

And finally, former Tory Minister Andrew Mitchell told a dinner that Theresa May is ‘dead in the water’. This is a statement that I find hard to believe as aren’t witches supposed to float?

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