This Week – A Funny Look Back At The Last 7 Days

UK News

A picture of Paul Hollywood has emerged of him dressed in Nazi uniform. The amount of times that he must have got up this week and regretted that decision but it’s surely not as much as the amount of times he has got up this week and felt envious of Mary Berry who is just out of shot dressed as Osama Bin Laden.

A new report has come out and said that light drinking in pregnancy is ‘not harmful’. The problem with this statement is that it is all relative and light drinking for a Brit is not the same as light drinking for someone from pretty much any other country. I can just imagine a husband running to stop her pregnant wife from drinking but she shows him this report and then continues to crack open a four-pack of Stella followed by a bottle of Sainsbury’s Basics red wine to wash it down.

Further CCTV images have been released of the jogger who pushed a woman into the path of a bus. Police have already arrested and released two people who they thought were responsible. How hard can it be to find this man? He’s a middle-aged jogger in London, he probably posted his running route on Facebook as soon as he got home. If the police just scouted out the nearest Sports Direct then they would see him going into buy some anti-chafing cream.

 

Sport

There was controversy across the weekend with Sadio Mane been shown a red card for an unintentional kick to the head. Some people have said this was deserved and have made the point that if this happened in the street then they would have been arrested. But to be fair a lot of things that happen in football would result in jail time if you did them in the street. For example, running up and two-footing an old lady will likely lead to more than a stern talking to. Also, lurking around a lot of people and just continually stretching will probably lead to you going onto some sort of register. Mane will have a 3 game ban which will workout to be a 3 week ban. The previous week a jockey was banned for four days for punching a horse. Sport really does have quite a unique justice system. I would like to get into the head of the people who thought a four day ban was sufficient. They must have been thinking horse punching is something we want to eradicate from the sport so how can we discourage it, I know a four day ban at a time when no horse races were planned anyway, that’s going to ruin the pony trekking trip he had planned with his daughter.

 

Celtic played PSG in the Champions league in the week, they managed to play above expectation and only lose 5-0. There was a fan who ran onto the pitch near the end of the first half and tried to kick a PSG player and as a result Celtic have been charged with a count of ‘field invasion’. Only in Scotland could you describe one bloke running onto the pitch as an ‘invasion’. Braveheart would have been a very different film if an invasion constitutes just one person. I don’t thiink Mel Gibson would have lasted very long if he rode into England on his tod, no matter how rousing a speech he gave himself.

 

UK Politics

Nigel Farage spoke this week at a far-right rally in Germany. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be any nazi salutes from the crowd. However, unfortunately, there was one nazi salute. This came from Nigel Farage’s front trouser region as it dawned on him that he was delivering a speech at a far-right rally in Germany.

Labour has managed to force a vote on the plan to increase the tuition fee cap from £9,000 to £9,250. It is hoped that this extra £250 per student will cover the Conservative party’s Christmas do. Michael Gove is hoping for paintball this year after complaints about bowling the previous year. Theresa May was particularly unhappy as each of her bowls when into the gutter. What didn’t help was Boris Johnson making the observation that ball just kept going the way of her political career. That was out of order and was always going to cause arguments. It does seem ridiculous that there is going to be a further increase in tuition fees, especially with the uncertainty of brexit meaning that nobody knows if there is going to be more or less jobs once we leave the EU. It is quite possible that students will be paying more for less job prospects. And to quote Donald Trump that would be the ‘worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever’.

The European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker has said that the UK will soon regret Brexit. This proves how out of touch the EU is about Britain, if they really understood the people of Britain then they would know that we started regretting Brexit a long time ago.

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