I Think I Love You…(He Isn’t Into You).

I don’t know about most women, but I’m as stubborn as hell until I finally see sense. I have to get there in my own time, but, when I do, the lesson hits hard.
When it comes to my love life, well, I have to do it every time. I always want the guy who isn’t into me. And try to get his attention. Yes. I am an attention seeker. I’m not going to deny it. I can’t at all.
I will admit, in my time, to have stooped to some silly places for the opposite sex.
Actually, most of it was for the same guy.
And to be honest, I have to admit, that, other than to boost his ego, he was just not into me.
This particular gentleman is of the musically inclined artistic ilk, and just as any silly, infatuated female does, I went to great lengths to be there at his shows. This included numerous trips to Norway, wearing not a huge amount of clothing (it was -17 Degrees, so god knows what I was thinking); and in one occasion, flashing the poor guy by wearing a dress so low cut that I might as well have not had it on. I was so proud of myself for having the courage to wear it. And I was sober. Why I was sober I do not understand because I definitely drank alcohol. He offered me a drink and I asked for a lemonade?! Really?! I shake my head at the twenty-something I was. I was naive.
I should have known better and had some self respect. My friends should have sat me down and told me straight- babe, he isn’t into you.
That would have saved me a hell of a lot of time, effort, and money. And looking back now, given me a lot less to cringe about.
Or, would it? 
If I hadn’t had those experiences, would I have had others that were, if not as bad, worse? Because I know I have a lot of funny stories to tell about my antics-like the time I fell down the stairs in a Theatre as my friends and I had just downed a stupidly priced bottle of wine? Ice skating the next day with one hell of a hangover?
Hunting out a pair of designer shoes? Seeing my Norwegian friends? Or that time we went up a mountain to bury a troll? (I do wonder if it was found and if it’s being kinder to the person who found it).
I don’t think I would change my past at all if I could. I have certainly learned from it, and not just because I have been burned a couple of times, but because it has enabled me to grow. To know myself as an adult. To know my straights, my weaknesses, my flaws and how much of a pain in the butt I am to date.
I also know my own self worth, and hopefully going forward, I will be able to recognise if the new guy I have my sights on, is on the same page-instead of reading a completely different book.
Kerry
Advertisements

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply