Sex? But at what price?

Welcome to the re branding of Hitting the Spot.  We will be coming to you trey two week (maybe sooner if your good) with sex, relationship and dating blogs!  Our team are myself, Gerogie Morrell, Sarah Bradders Bradnum and Janna Fox but with lots of sexy guest along the way!  Check out our sexy new logo!  Now before I give you my final review please check out my thoughts of OMGYES.  Follow up review coming out 16th June…

 

Before I get to the sexy matter at hand, I want to say a big “thank you” to Bradders for providing our first sex blog, Unsexy Sex. It has launched the official sex segment of The New Establishment: Hitting the Spot (a big thank you also to my old pal, Drew Turner, for the blog’s title!). The team reporting on sex from NE will be me (The Morrell Highground), Janna Fox (Sobriety in the City) and Bradders (Nasty Woman). We will be covering sex chat from all angles – including the single, the monogamist, the filthy and the sober. You lucky devils!!

 

We want this column to be more than just your aveage sex column because we want to hear rom you! So please tweet us your responses, thoughts, theories, and comments on anything and everything we bring up #HittingTheSpot

Now, I don’t normally review anything in the traditional sense because, “what the mother fudging hell do I know about anything?!” I’m a penniless comedian who drinks, smokes, and generally cavorts too much, who may or may not have fallen over, pissed, in a toilet last Friday and bruised her back because she was playing a game called blowjob chicken that got out of hand! I mean… just kidding! None of that’s true… except the middle bit…and first bit…ANYWAY! I came across a website that I haven’t so much reviewed, but I am doing a long running ‘research’ project on. Enjoy!

As some of our NE readers might know, myself and Bradders (Nasty Woman) have a podcast called Queens of the Hungle. If you haven’t already listened then GET ON IT – come and join the Hungle! (Link below where you can get Hungle fever! HOLLA!!!!) We chat about many things, but every episode I report back on our regular feature, ‘Georgie’s Wank Bank’. Don’t worry; my parents don’t listen to it! Instead of just looking up my usual David Gandy youtube videos and ad campaigns (I highly recommend Jennifer Lopez video ‘First Love’) I actually made the effort and came across an extraordinary website called OMGyes.

 

OMGyes is a website dedicated to female pleasure… “Masturbation”, for those of you who couldn’t see through my subtlety. It is essentially a forum where women can exchange tips on all the best ways to get themselves off in the form of video discussion. It’s also heavily endorsed by Emma Watson who, as you may have heard, is an ardent and rather brilliant feminist and UN ambassador for women’s rights. If she likes it, it must be relevant and important… right? Now, I got quite a surprise when I went onto the site. I thought it was literally just female-friendly porn. You know? The gentle, hushed, passionate porn where there is no bondage or weird shit. Boring porn to me, but each to their own.

So the premise of the website is women talking about best ways to pleasure themselves. So far, not too wild. Then I clicked on the preview videos. Three women of different ages and ethnicities (very politically correct) discussing all manner of techniques (which I’ll admit – some I hadn’t heard of) for getting oneself off. At this point I am starting to titter and giggle slightly, as it all seems very silly.

However, the next video features one of said ladies in the buff having a good rummage of her vagina while discussing the art of ‘Edging’. Yes. I can see everything! This took me off-guard. Firstly, I didn’t expect to see a vagina on my screen, I was sat in Pret, for goodness sake! Secondly, this is some bold shit. My first reaction was to giggle, but then I applauded this young woman for so brazenly and eloquently talking about masturbation with her vag on full display. As someone who loves a good private rub down myself – I salute you! However, even though I have exuded confidence all my life, strumming my vag on camera while providing tips as to what works best is where little Georgie draws the line.

 

By the way, ‘Edging’ is the technique of obtaining “bigger and better orgasms by approaching and denying”. I didn’t know that had a name! Live and learn I guess!

 

This then leads to the jewel in the crown of this website: after you have watched several women educate you on the arts of consistency, rhythm, surprise, and hinting, it’s time for video simulation. Yes, that’s right! A lovely lady has an app on her phone that is a video simulation of her vagina. It is not shy on detail either. It is a touchable simulation that allows you to manipulate the vagina using thousand of images of your own, with your own feedback and preferences put in, built around women’s sensitivities. Mind blown!

 

Now, that’s all I can tell you because at this point we are only looking at previews, and to find out more you have to pay a £25 fee to join. What?! I have to pay £25 to learn how to have a bigger and better orgasm! I feel a bit cheated. Lured in with sexy, erotic promises, only to be out of pocket 25 quid! Why should I pay to learn how to orgasm?! Surely I can work that out myself?! Then I stop and consider – what price can you put on potentially unlocking your very own technique to longer and more explosive orgasms?

 

I find myself in a bind with OMGyes. I want to love it for several reasons. It is women talking to women about female orgasms – no men getting involved (and it is certainly not aimed at men). Unlike so many websites out there that target men and male pleasure, this – refreshingly – does not. I have to say, as a user of sex websites, the whole male-dominated marketing thing is getting rather tiring. Secondly, it is an open forum to FINALLY talk about masturbation. If, as a woman, you admitted to masturbating you where considered cheap or free or worse: a ‘slag’. Utterly ridiculous. We all do it and it’s the most natural thing in the world. Again, it’s ok for men to be open about it, but not us girls for fear of not being considered ‘ladies’. Bite me! It’s 2017 – get a grip and get rummaging down there!

 

Now, as I said, I am in a bind. OMGyes does jar with me slightly. Does it not suck the fun out it?   By “it” I mean “masturbation”. By being so methodical and having the video simulation and boiling it all down to techniques, are we not taking away the essence of an act that should be learnt on our own to discover what works for us ourselves? Are we not taking away the surprise or curiosity of self discovery that can only be found when we are alone and, quite frankly, horny?

 

My only other issue is that it costs £25 quid! Is nothing free anymore? Not even my orgasm?! I have to actually go and pay £25 to learn how to really get myself off! Surely, after 30 years on this planet (half of which I have been sexual active) I can work it out for myself without shelling out my hard-earned cash?!

 

But there we have it, readers. That’s exactly it! Maybe I don’t know how to really masturbate and it will cost me £25. Maybe I need to be more open about it to achieve heightened pleasure. As I said, how can you put a price on a mind blowing, head exploding orgasm? You simply cannot. So, I am still very much on the fence about OMGyes, and therefore there is only one thing to do. Spend that £25 of my earnings and report back to you from the frontline of orgasmic pleasure! No! I am happy to – I’ll take one for the team! For no other reason than to find out what Emma Watson was so thrilled about! As I have always said, dear readers, you’ll never know unless you try it.

 

 

I will report back in several weeks but feel free to try yourself.

 

https://www.omgyes.com

 

Hitting the Spot will be a bi weekly column for The New Establishment. To find out more about its writers and subscribe go to the links below-

 

Tweet us @NEstablishment #hittingthespot

 

Subscribe- http://thenewestablishment.co.uk

 

Queens of the Hungle (a podcast for huns) – www.queensofthehungle.com (or find us on iTunes or Soundcloud)

Advertisements
About Georgie Morrell 21 Articles
Georgie Morrell is an comedian and writer. I do my One Woman show A Poke in the Eye. I also do improv, sketch stand up and a bit of acting. I have written for RNIB's Insight magazine, RLSB's blog and Ideastap.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply