It’s the 8th September. Edinburgh fringe is well and truly over. The bin men have their work cut out, the Scots have their city back from London comics, Keith Vaz is sleeping in his car and Amy Schumer arrived having missed the party so to speak. Lots of people since my return, sound like I fought in Vietnam, doesn’t it? Lots of people have asked how Edinburgh was and my answer has always been “Incredible!” “Awesome!” Can’t wait for next year! This is all true. It was one of the best months of my life and a great decision for my career. This is only the beginning! But had they asked me those first few days of the fringe when I arrived I would not have uttered anything close. It’s weird how we can easily forget the troublesome stuff when the fun takes over. I feel it’s important to remember it, as it’s as much the process of creating and learning one’s craft as are the lolz. Because in those first few days I really did wobble.
I had spent months with my head buried in the planning that all of a sudden I was there and it dawned on me: “what have I let myself in for?” I’m putting my story, skill, talent and personal life on one of comedy’s biggest platforms! I must be mad! This is too big a risk! I started with utter loneliness. It’s just me and me. I then severely throw my toys out the pram, as everyone else seemed to be doing better than me. We hadn’t even got passed previews so I was being a tad irrational. This was followed by a panic call to my lovely publicist Laura who did her best to reassure me but it was too late to turn back now. Before I realized it, everything fell into place. Hardest bit was over with and all I really remember now is embodying my show everyday with glee and sometimes with a hangover, parties with free bars, glow sticks, strange costumes #MrEdinburgh, and then finally the feeling of belonging.
The first Edinburgh is tough and it’s a rite of passage no question. It’s like being initiated into one of those awful American sororities but where you actually make active progress towards your career, as opposed to having your eyebrows shaved or committing sexual assault and getting a total unjust punishment that’s an insult to all victims of sexual assault…. sorry that’s for another blog… I cannot take credit for surviving Edinburgh though, sorry it’s about to get a bit soppy! I couldn’t’ve done it without some of the most generous, fun loving and supportive people I’ve had the good grace of knowing! With them I’m not sure I could’ve done that whole month and I’m forever in their debt. There’s just far too many of you to name but you know who you are and you’re getting a snog off me whether you want one or not!
Now with the cobbles, hills and (questionably) diet behind me, Edinburgh is done, so what next? Well a few days rest, Netflix and a well earned pat on the back surely? I must return to my casual hours job that funds my comedy dream and my flatmate who’s keen to show me floor samples I have no interest in for her re-decorating scheme. However, I somehow only manage one day of semi chilling watching Stranger Things before a mixture, a steep anti climax resulting in a pit of self doubt. What happened? I’m supposed to be riding high! I find myself undeserving of taking a few days rest. I don’t quite know what to do with myself suddenly. I have noticed this with friends of my generation; we seem unable to take time out well when it’s due. I believe it’s the pressure to succeed and how it all seems harder than when our parents were our age. So, I find myself suddenly really worried about money… like REALLY worried! The future, what to do next with my career, was I good enough in Edinburgh? what now? what about next year’s fringe!? Then, before my head explodes my panic ends on a question; one I have faced before, which I believe was planted by my parents and their doubt over my career choice…. the question…. was it all worth it? By the way, they’re very supportive but right to question my career decision seeing as I have no money, mortgage or stability. So, were the expenses, exhaustion, anxiety and risk all worth it? My god yes! Why on earth am I doubting it? I have come too far to turn back now and things finally feel like they fall into place. So, despite how weird my life might look, if we don’t take this enormous risk, like a run at Edinburgh, how do we ever know what we are capable of? Only one-way: to put us out there and go for it. And anyone who doubts or criticizes, whatever bastard reviewer, surly audience member or even one of your peers cause doubt in what you love they cannot take away that sense of accomplishment.
The knowing you have risked, created and tried to leave something behind. Even just for a month. Nobody can take that away and that is a feeling worth building an ego and career on, as it’s solid and unquenchable. I also believe my post Edinburgh breakdown was a result of sleep deprivation and a strong alcohol dependency for the record. Yet still that doubt creeps in and we mustn’t let it.
So go forth and yes be poor, but be funny and talented and the rewards will be food for the soul…. but you might actually struggle for food! If you have gone and done something mad for a month give yourself a pat on the back and maybe a few days off. It may not be children, a house or even made money but you have made and created something to be left behind when everything else is gone. We’re a generation obsessed with not taking sick days or down time. Be good to yourself and bundle up with Netflix or a good book…. or be a total twat and re-read all your good reviews!!!! Don’t let anyone or anything, especially yourself, place doubt in what you do and love because you need that strength and self-belief. So, I must return to my desk and laptop…because…Edinburgh 2017 won’t plan itself….Georgie’s full lengths show A Poke in the Eye transfers to Manchester Women in Comedy festival and back to London.
Georgie’s full lengths show A Poke in the Eye transfers to Manchester Women in Comedy festival and back to London.
For all gigs go to her website-http://pokeintheeyeproductions.co.uk
Check out Georgie and Sarah Bradder Bradman debut podcast Queens of the Hungle-http://www.queensofthehungle.com