On June 8th, you MUST vote Tory…

Many people believe that the conservative party will win a landslide victory in the general election but you can not be complacent remember the story of the Tortoise and the Hare?

Theresa May is doing everything that she can (obviously, she even paraded her eye candy on The One Show) but while she does her best to avoid pointless debates and hand select journalists so not to get any unnecessary questions, we can all do our bit to help make sure that we ‘Make Britain great again’ and spread the clear message of ‘Strength and able’.

Brexit

Most people in the UK want an extremely hard Brexit, they proved this in the landslide referendum victory where 51% of people voted to rip ourselves from Europe, but because of the Liberal lefties we have been completely unable to push through any of our policies voted for by the people of the UK. Democracy only works if one party has full control and this general election will bring back all our UKIP supporters and make us strong.

Energy cap

We are going to cap energy prices, it’s time that someone got strong with the energy sector. Former Prime minister David Cameron welcomed the idea back in 2015 by saying “Only in some sort of Marxist universe is it possible to control all these things,” and he was right then but not now that we are in the future. We will be discussing with the energy companies how best to move forward with this scheme.

NHS

The NHS is a failing system and once we cut immigration it will have to add itself to its own long waiting list. Is this a negative thing? No, by selling off and privatising the NHS not only can we make millions but we can make big deals with companies in the US. This will mean in the long run losing our free health care but don’t we need a system where people think twice before having life saving operations? This way we can also bring in sponsorship of Junior Doctors.

Pensions
If our plans for the NHS go well we won’t be needing all the money that has been set aside for pensions. The trick is not to raise the age where people receive their pensions but lower the age that they live.

Fox hunting

Now that we all understand that it is foreign people and child refugees that are bringing down the banks and destroying our country, we need to deal with a problem closer to home. To save the UK we need to bring back fox hunting. All over the country foxes are destroying our green belts and bringing down housing prices and all the time harbouring known terrorists (Cobra information suggests that Bin Laden actually hid in a fox hole for two years). Because over the years foxes have become immune to gas the only way to kill the beast is rich people on horse back with dogs. Bringing back fox hunting will not only get rid of this pest but by using their dens we can provide affordable housing to the poor and nurses in the countryside.

The Tortoise and the Hare 2017

In to political version of the Tortoise and the hare the tortoise is not Corbyn and the hare May, No. In the 2017 telling of the fable the Hare that goes to sleep believing everything is going to be okay is the general UK public and the tortoise that sneaks through and wins the race is the right wing media, the Tories and anyone else that has convinced the world that it is a ‘left wing’ thing to care about others.

 

…Here is the story of ‘The Right Wing Media and The British Public.

 

Once upon a time, in a country not too far from you, there was an energetic and happy British public and a sleepy Right wing media.

One day, they had an argument…

“I am the fairest country in the whole wide world,” said the British public.

“Oh do be quiet,” sighed The Right Wing Media. “You are so full of yourself! If you’re not careful you’ll end up poor…”

“Oh you two do stop arguing,” said Democracy.

“No, this is serious,” said The British Public. “I will prove to you all that I’m the fairest country in the whole wide world“

“OK,” said The Right Wing Media. “Election?”

The British public laughed their head off.

The Queen arranged the election for the next day.

“On your marks… Get set… Go!” Called The Queen. And the election was off!

Slowly, slowly The Right Wing Media leaked news and quickly, quickly The British public patted themselves on the back. In fact, The British Public couldn’t see The Right Wing Media any more.

“Gosh,” The British Public thought. “We are not as silly as the USA, we would never let The Right Wing Media take away our rights. I think I’ll just have a little nap under this tree, it’s such a hot day”. The British Public was soon fast asleep.

Meanwhile, The Right Wing Media ambled along slowly. On and on and on and on they plodded. News story, after tweet, after fake news, after news story after tweet they plodded on. They even plodded past The British Public who was still snoring under the tree. The Right Wing Media plodded past the finishing line where The Queen declared them the winners of the election.

“Well done! Well done! You’re the winner!” said Katie Hopkins.

All the noise woke The British Public.

But the sun had gone in and the tree they were leaning on had been cut down.

“This can’t be right! They must have cheated,’ cried The British Public.

But they were then arrested under the anti terrorism act for protesting in the wrong place.

 

 

 

About Luke Graves 19 Articles
I stand and tell jokes, I sit and write.

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